Chapter 1- 3 Months before the festival

Sierra

My connection to the Gods was the only thing I could grasp for inner strength every morning. Seventeen years had gone by, and still, it felt like a lingering ghost was haunting me. You would think I had cursed myself with a Ouija board, by how paranoid I felt on a daily basis. I took a deep, steady inhale through my nose as I performed my meditation, trying to focus on the scent of coffee, burning sage, and the crisp autumn breeze ruffling my hair on our back porch.

Not here, not now, I told myself. Take back your peace.

But the serenity was shattered as easily as the stillness of the morning.

A piercing cry split the air, slicing through the bubble I’d created. Startled, I jolted to my feet, spilling hot coffee onto my clothes. My heart pounded against my ribs as I recognized Maddie’s scream, a sound that twisted my gut into a knot. Without a second thought, I darted through the apartment to get to her. 

Please, Gods, let her be okay.

In my haste, my foot collided with the solid golden leg of our Victorian coffee table, pain shooting through my toe. “Fuck!” I yelped, hopping on one foot before resuming my dash. I didn’t have time to care about the throbbing ache. All I could think about was Maddie—of getting to her.

When I finally burst into Maddie’s room, panting heavily, I was met with mind-boggling chaos. Neon lights from her computer gaming equipment were flashing wildly, while the soft melody of a Billie Eilish song played in the background. A huge mass of tangled cables caught my eye; it resembled a raging spaghetti monster, consuming all it could beneath her desk. But despite the mayhem, Maddie was… dancing?

My heart still pounded in my chest, but relief swept through me. She was fine. She wasn’t in danger. 

Her caramel-colored complexion was flushed with pure joy. She was excitedly jumping up and down on her bed, her oversized t-shirt and shorts flapping comically with each leap. Her brown hair was totally disheveled as it flew around her head, and she was waving her phone excitedly in the air. “Sierra, you won’t believe this!” she squealed, thrusting her phone toward me like it held the secret to immortality.

“What the hell, Maddie?” I gasped annoyed, clutching my side as I tried to catch my breath. “You scared the shit out of me.” 

Maddie bounded off the bed to hand me her phone. “Look! Look! It’s The Immortals! They’re holding a contest!” I stared at the screen. A video on her phone played an announcement from our favorite band. My mind struggled to focus on the flashing images, but one thing was clear: the contest was a chance to meet them at Legends Fest.

The Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico, had carried the week-long tradition for 150 years now. The only time the Fae and mortal worlds merged to celebrate our realms coexisting.

It was a dream come true. “Mads, I’ve been dying to go for years too, but you and I both know tickets always sell out within minutes.” The idea of actually winning…it made my heart leap. I could already picture it: the deep thrum of music vibrating through my body, the wild energy of the Fae realm seeping into the night, and him. Ronan—the band’s lead singer—whose piercing red gaze seemed to see straight through to your soul.

Maddie ignored my logic and continued to dance and cheer beside me as I watched the video. “Sierra, this is it! I just know it! Can you imagine?” she exclaimed, her voice brimming with excitement.

“Maybe we’ll get to hook up with one of them!” she squealed. The idea thrilled me, imagining what I’d do to Ronan. And yet, as much as the thought excited me, a familiar weight settled in my chest. It always dragged me back into the shadows of my past—the one I’d been running from for years. The past that could find me again with the push of a single button. 

Maddie, catching her breath, turned to me with an eager smile. “The only thing is, we've got to use HitUp to enter this contest!” She gave me the ‘look’, the one that always told me she knew I was going to protest but needed to get over myself.

My smile faltered as I handed Maddie’s phone back. “I… I don’t know, Maddie.”

Her face fell, her excitement quickly giving way to annoyance at my hesitation. “You’re serious? It’s the fucking Immortals, Sierra! You can’t set aside your weird paranoia around social media for a chance of a lifetime?” she huffed.

She was right. It was everything we’d ever wanted. But still…. 

“Mads you just don’t get it! You know how I feel yet you always push my boundaries on it.”

Maddie’s face scowled. She knew. She didn’t know everything about my past—about the betrayal, the trauma, or the darkness I’d escaped—but she knew enough to understand my reluctance. Still, her eyes narrowed on me with a determined look in them.

“I get it, Sierra. I really do. But just this once… can’t you give it a try? For me? This is seriously a once-in-a-lifetime chance.”

I chewed on my bottom lip. My mind was a battlefield between desire and dread. I peered up at Maddie once more, a mixture of frustration and yearning etched on her face. Gods, I wish she could just know why I couldn’t have social media. Then she wouldn’t just think of me as some paranoid weirdo. Fuck, I mean it’s not like I didn’t want to be on all the social platforms. Not being on them made me feel like I was constantly out of the loop.

“I’m sorry, Maddie, I…just…I seriously can’t,” I muttered, hating the way the words tasted. Hated that I couldn’t make her happy. “Maybe you’ll be able to win on your own.” 

Disappointment flickered across her face. “Whatever,” she grumbled. I hated that this old experience was controlling my entire life, but I wasn’t sure if I was brave enough to face it just yet, or to even tell her after all this time of keeping it a secret from her.

The weight of it all followed me out of her room, clinging to me like an old rotten stench. As I changed into a clean shirt and grabbed my things for work, regret plagued me. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d just missed out on yet another opportunity that could have changed everything.

When I finally left our apartment for work, each step down the stairs echoing with all the insecurities I knew I was running from. By the time I reached the sidewalk, my mind had already drifted back to the memories I’d fought so hard to bury. 

I shook my head forcing my eyes closed as I grabbed the cold handle of my car door. Not today.

At Oracle’s Alcove, the psychic shop where I worked, I found solace in the quiet atmosphere and the comforting scent of incense. It was a place where I could tap into my own spiritual connection and offer clarity to others even when my own life felt like a tangled web of the unknown. Today, however, I found my mind wandering back to the way Maddie had looked when I told her I couldn’t participate. I was so tired of being a constant wet blanket on both of our lives. I felt my jaw ache from all the clenching I had been doing since this morning.

“Sierra, is everything okay?” my coworker Lily asked, her red bangs casting shadows over her blue-grey eyes. She had a knowing look, one that always made me feel like she saw right through my defenses. Her lithe form leaned on the counter across from me, her deep blue nails shimmering under the overhead lights. 

I sighed, setting down the cards I was mindlessly fiddling with, “It’s… complicated.”

Lily waited patiently as I explained the contest, the opportunity, and the fear that held me back from using social media. I left out the details of my past, of course. Even Lily didn’t know the full extent of what I’d been through.

“Sierra,” she said softly when I finished. “Sometimes our past holds us back, but it’s also a part of what makes us strong. Facing our fears could be the step to healing. If you truly want to meet The Immortals, maybe this is a chance to confront your past and embrace the future,” she advised.

I nodded as I absorbed her wisdom, she was right and I knew this but It still didn’t change my decision. If she could only know the whole story, she would have agreed with me on why I couldn’t. My phone lit up, revealing the time. My first appointment would be here any minute, and I needed to get centered if I wanted to give this reading my all. I walked back to my room and started setting up, hoping my mind would settle before they arrived.

Moments later, the door chimed, and Lily greeted someone. A muffled conversation ensued, indicating that I should come out and be seen. When Lily spotted me, she smiled and introduced me warmly, “Ah, here she is.” Lily gestured. “Sierra, this is Tanya. Tanya, this is Sierra. She’s your first appointment.”

I summoned a broad smile, willing it to convey warmth despite the strange feeling of unease I was experiencing from this morning’s tiff with Mads. Tanya gave me a wary wave. “Hi.”

Gesturing casually, “Hey, Tanya, you ready?” Tanya dipped her chin, her shoulders tense with nervous energy as she followed me through the beaded curtain into the back room. The soft clink of the beads against one another sounded like distant wind chimes, ushering us into a space that felt quieter, more intimate. The air was thick with the earthy scent of sandalwood and jasmine, mixed with a hint of sage from the morning cleansing ritual.

I sat down at my reading table, the worn edges of the dark wood smooth beneath my fingertips, covered with a deep purple tablecloth that shimmered. A soft, amber light flickered from the array of candles around the room, casting dancing shadows on the walls, making the space feel cocooned from the outside world.

My Tarot deck, spread neatly in front of me, glinted faintly as the firelight caught the gold accents on the cards—each one adorned with a mythical creature from another realm, as if they held the secrets of worlds just out of reach.

I noticed Tanya’s hesitant glances, her eyes darting between the mystical symbols hanging on the walls and the delicate strands of crystals swaying gently overhead, their soft clinking adding to the low hum of the space.

Gently, I asked, “Would you like to take a seat?” I nodded toward the empty wooden chair across from me. The wood was slightly worn, and as Tanya sat down, the chair let out a soft creak, the sound almost swallowed by the thick quiet of the room.

She smiled tentatively, her lips barely curving upward, and shifted in her seat. “Let’s start with any questions you may have for me,” I said, my voice a little tighter than I wanted it to be. I swallowed, the lump in my throat thick and persistent. “They can be about me and my process, or a particular question you would like answered through the deck.” Her fingers twisted anxiously around each other in her lap, and I could hear the faint rustle of her clothes as she shifted nervously.

“You don’t have to worry,” I reassured her, my voice softening. “Anything said here is confidential and meant only to guide you. The answers I give today aren’t set in stone. They can change depending on the path you choose tomorrow.” Her shoulders dropped slightly, the tension easing just enough to let out a long breath. Seeing her relax made me feel steadier, too. Well as steady as I could have been.

Meekly, she confessed, “Well, I came here because I have a crush on a boy at my school.” She glanced down, her cheeks reddening, her voice barely above a whisper. “And, well, I was hoping to find out if we’ll end up together.”

I smiled softly, recognizing that innocent hope. The memory of my own school girl crushes flickered to life in the back of my mind, and for a second, I felt that familiar, bittersweet tug. But I brushed it off, not wanting to get swallowed up in my own self-loathing and why I had to always keep guys at an arm's distance.

“I can’t tell you many details,” I said gently. “But what I can tell you will help provide more clarity about the path you’re currently on.” Her face lit up, her eyes bright with expectation, and I couldn’t help but smile back. “Can you tell me his name and what he looks like?” I asked, readying the cards in my hands.

Tanya leaned in a little, her voice quickening with excitement. “His name is Aaron. He’s got dark hair, blue eyes, and he’s really tall. I just… “ her voice full of a kind of certainty only young love could bring. “I know we’re meant to be together,” she said, giving me a broad grin.

I nodded, the cards cool and smooth beneath my fingers. The room grew still, the soft crackle of the candles the only sound. I focused on her question, letting the energy settle around me.

The cards seemed to jump out one by one, eager to give me the answers we both seeked. Most were positive, and I could see her excitement building with each one. But then, I pulled the last card—the Ten of Swords. The image on the card, stark and final, sent a chill through me. I kept my face as neutral as possible. “This last card suggests that things may not end well,” I said gently, not wanting to alarm her.

Her reaction was immediate. Panic flared in her eyes, and her voice shot up, trembling. “What! What does that mean?”

“May I look at your palm?” I asked, hoping to offer her something more. She nodded, stiff and wide-eyed, and pulled her hand from beneath the table. Her fingers were cold and slightly damp against mine, which wasn’t surprising given her fluctuating emotional state and blood-hued aura.

Holding her hand, I closed my eyes, focusing. My intuition had always been strong, an ability I’d had for as long as I could remember—seeing things, sensing things others couldn’t. It was a gift, one I’d learned to embrace, though not everyone understood. Today, even with all my own personal drama, I could feel I was in tune with it. 

A vision came into focus, sharp and unsettling of her and Aaron arguing. She was shoving a phone in his face. Then, the foresight shifted to a visualization of a particular text message and the name of the texter. I opened my eyes to see her sitting on the edge of her seat.

“Did you see anything?” she asked eagerly, her leg shaking beneath the table.

I nodded hesitantly. “Yes, but if I tell you, it will be upsetting. Would you still like to hear it?”

Immediately, she insisted, “Yes! Duh! I need to know! This is my future you’re predicting!”

Ignoring her rudeness, I checked once more, “Are you absolutely sure? If I tell you, just know that I am only a messenger, and the things I say are suggestive.”

“YES! Tell me!”

Nodding, I started to describe what I saw. Just when I was about to get to the name, a chill ran down my spine. Something held me back, and I decided to withhold it.

She pressed me, “Are you sure you didn’t see her name or what she looks like?”

I shook my head. “No, I didn’t.”

Her eyes flashed with frustration. “Great! I thought you were fortune tellers, not doomsday witches!” she snapped, standing abruptly. I winced at the hurtful words she flung at me. She spun on her heels, her blonde hair whipping around her head as she stomped out, leaving a cold presence lingering in her now-empty chair. My heart raced from the intensity of the encounter. I closed my eyes, taking deep, measured breaths to steady myself.

Lily walked in and sat in the now-empty chair. “You okay?” she asked softly, her eyes laced with concern. The sound of the beaded curtain still softly swayed in the background, the only evidence of Tanya’s presence.

I looked at her defeatedly and sighed. “Yeah, she just wasn’t happy with how the reading unfolded.” 

My intuition screamed at me that this day’s negative energy still had more in store for me.

Later that evening, when I returned home, the weight of the day felt like a huge boulder on my back—merciless, and cumbersome. The familiar eggplant walls and random décor of our apartment allowed me to sigh out some of the stress I was holding onto, though it still didn’t feel like much was chipped off. 

I dropped my bag on the kitchen counter, running my fingers through my tangled hair before talking to Maddie. She lounged on our black velvet couch, her headphones on while she animatedly scrolled through her phone. Her brown eyes met mine as I walked up to her, and for a moment, I couldn’t read her expression. Was she still upset?

“Maddie?” I murmured.

She pulled her headphones off and gave me a weak smile, “Hey. You okay?”

“I wanted to apologize about earlier,” I started, rubbing my hands together nervously. “I know I let you down.”

She shook her head quickly, her messy bun wobbling with the movement. “No, as annoying as it is that you refuse to use social media. I know you’re hesitant for your own reasons. I just.” She paused, chewing on her lip like she was trying to find the right words. “I just want you to live, you know? You’re always hiding.”

Her words stung because they were true. I was always hiding—from my past, from myself, from the world.

“I know,” I whispered. “And I hate it. I hate that I can’t just be… normal.” Eventually joining her on the couch. I curled my legs beneath me. Pinching the bridge of my nose in silent frustration. 

Fuck, if only I could just let it all go, to not feel like I had to constantly be guarded.

“You are normal, Sierra,” her voice was gentle but firm. “You just need to trust that not everything is going to hurt you.” She sighed, sitting up and folding her legs beneath her also. “I don’t want you to keep missing out on things that could make you happy.”

Her words pressed in on a wound I kept close to my heart, and my chest tightened with the realization that she was right. How many things had I missed out on because I was too scared? How many opportunities had slipped through my fingers because I couldn’t let go of the past? My paranoia always made me feel like they were still following me, which had a huge sway on every choice I made, every trip I planned, every word I said.

I wavered for a moment, my emotions raging within me causing me to weigh the consequences. But finally, I made a decision. I swallowed hard, “Okay, Maddie, I’ll do it. Let’s enter the contest together!” I declared, my gut feeling uneasy and exhilarated by the decision. It didn’t feel bad necessarily, it felt like I was given a free sample of what the taste of freedom was like and I wanted more.

Maddie’s joy was contagious. “Oh my God! You won’t regret this, I promise.”

What if I do regret this?

 I pushed the thought aside. I needed to allow myself to have this. It’s been 17 fucking years for Gods sake!

Maddie snuggled up next to me, and my worry slowly melted away, replaced by a sense of empowerment. Perhaps this was the beginning of a new chapter in my life, a chance to face my past and embrace the future. I waited apprehensively as the app downloaded on my phone.

When I finally opened it and my finger hovered over the “Create Profile” button, Maddie placed a hand on my phone. She said entreatingly, “Please don’t be upset.” Dread swept over me as I waited for her to continue. “I made a HitUp profile for you when you left for work today.” She winced, bracing herself for my inevitable reaction.

Hurt flooded me, a bitter taste rising in my throat as I pulled back and stared at Maddie. “Maddie, how could you?” I demanded, my voice tinged with betrayal.

“I know, I know! I’m sorry,” she said defensively. “I just wanted us to have the best shot at this opportunity.” 

“You really crossed a line, Mads.” I growled in distaste, I had nothing left to say with this storm of resentment flaring to life. It wasn’t that Maddie did this constantly, but it was lingering hurt that I hadn't quite figured out how to let go of yet. A secret that I kept packaged tightly in a box and stored away in my mind. It didn’t matter though, once my anger was triggered I couldn’t stop it.

Seething, I stood from the couch, my feet glued to the spot. I didn’t want to leave because I wanted to follow through on the contest but the other part was fuming from the betrayal.

“Did I honestly cross a line or are you just pissed that I nudged you in a direction I knew you wanted to go?” Her words were both true and a bitter pill to swallow. 

Huffing I dug my nails into my palms and gave Maddie one last glare before I stormed to my room slamming the door shut behind me. Pacing, I flung my phone down on the bed. I flopped face-down onto the black comforter, screaming with frustration and punching my pillow angrily. 

I’m a fucking fraud. I wasn’t supposed to be angry anymore, I’m a Godsdamn healer, a psychic. I was supposed to be a serene, loving, guide that gave out advice; advice that she actually took herself. I screamed into my pillow again before rolling over and staring at the ceiling. My chest heaved with all the pent up feelings I hated thinking about. It didn’t matter how logically I looked at them and tried to figure out the cause of it, it never made them go away.

I sat up criss cross applesauce on my mattress and steadied my breathing. Eventually, I calmed down and rationalized everything just like I always had. Maddie was like my sister and I know she wouldn’t do anything to purposefully hurt me. We wouldn't have been friends this long if I thought she didn’t have my best interest in mind. And if I was completely honest, she was the only friend I had. If I lost her I would be alone…I didn’t want to think about how awful that would feel. With a shaky breath, I reached for my phone.

Curiosity and the allure of the possibilities HitUp might offer tugged at my resolve. My hands trembled as I entered the passcode Maddie had texted me. I began checking out the profile she created, apprehensive about what I might see. The bio was perfect, she always knew me better than I knew myself. Even the picture she chose was my favorite. It was from our trip to the Salem Haunted Happenings Festival on Halloween, one of our best vacations. In the photo, I was posing in my Janis Joplin costume and flowered beanie, flashing peace signs. Special memories like this made it hard to stay mad at her.

Plugging my phone into its charger for the night, I rolled to my side, my thoughts wandered to the possibilities this new chapter might bring. A complex blend of fantasies and dread swirled around in my head. I didn’t know if I was ready, but my instincts told me to give it a shot.